I feel very confident that these mad-lib style bits of advice are every bit as good as the "real" thing.
Aries — Ram (March 21-April 19)
Someone you know may be feeling verbose. Stay out of the way!
Taurus — Bull (April 20-May 20)
Don't buy in public. It could prove embarrassing.
Gemini — Twins (May 21-June 20)
Control the urge to clean. find instead.
Cancer — Crab (June 21-July 22)
climbing too many stars will leave you exhausted!
Leo — Lion (July 23-August 22)
A loved one thinks you are crunchy. Do not be taken in by flattery.
Virgo — Virgin (August 23-September 22)
sing in private when possible. It's difficult to concentrate when people are watching.
Libra— Scales (September 23-October 22)
Avoid mending hats.
Scorpio — Scorpion (October 23-November 21)
Never loan money to tall cats! They are poor credit risks.
Sagittarius — Archer (November 22-December 21)
Today is a good day to hug a skillet.
Capricorn — Goat (December 22-January 19)
You may receive some cars from a secret admirer! Water them every day, and they will last a long time.
Aquarius — Water Bearer (January 20-February 18)
Unless you organize your flowers better, you won't get anything done.
Pisces — Fish (February 19-March 20)
A good friend will give you $111 to buy new shoes. Be sure to thank your friend.
To do your own mad lib-type story go here.
HT: crouching mommy, hidden laundry