Taking control

The realization came to me slowly over the last couple of months; I've been just letting life happen. I had totally lost control of everything: my house, the way that I was eating, my activity level, but especially the way that I was spending my time.

I was a wreck. Physically mentally and emotionally. I was spending hours each night binge-watching crap TV shows on Netflix, instead of just the occasional cooking show while I worked in the kitchen. As a result I was reading and writing less. I was eating too much of the wrong stuff. Drinking too much wine. Looking around at the chaos in my house and hating it, but not doing anything about it, because I was so busy.

Yeah, I have been busy. Kind of. But not really. I'm tired at night after busy days, but vegging with bad TV isn't the answer. Vegging with bad TV won't bring my husband home from Illinois, my friends back from the ends of the earth, my Wicked back from the grave, or my children back to the nest.

What finally woke me up was the return of an inflammatory eye condition that has damaged the vision in my left eye. I had been feeling my high inflammation level for over a month, and just wasn't taking action. I was in constant pain, so I was inactive, which definitely isn't the answer. I have lived with a certain level of pain for 20 years, but this was at another level. The treatment for this condition is a course of Prednisone. I have been dreading the treatment almost as much as the return of the problem, because the drug really makes me miserable.

I decided that it was time to get back in control. I have gone back to eating well-balanced, veggie-filled meals. I am taking the vitamins and supplements that have helped me so much in the past. I am getting on top of my house, a little at a time, killing two birds with one stone by doing constant physical work during the six-eight hours a day that the medication side effects are the worst. I am listening to my pastors' sermons or to music while I clean instead of so many political podcasts. (Not totally giving them up, but not dwelling on it so much.)

I am reading more. I am writing again. I am doing my genealogy research. I am walking. I feel awake for the first time in a while.

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to be moving all of my blogs and consolidating them on a WordPress site. I am back to work on the book that several of you have been after me to write, and that I've had bits of written for years. I have plans for my house.

And I'm staying away from the crap TV.

Being happy

The last few weeks have been challenging.

I woke up one morning a little over three weeks ago with some fogginess in my vision. I went to a local ophthalmologist and got a diagnosis and an appointment to return in five weeks. As the next several day passed, it continued to get worse, so, with some help from my mother, I found a specialist in Indianapolis who is in my insurance plan's network. They got me in the next day.

We discovered that the original diagnosis, while not incorrect, was incomplete, and that the problem is both potentially more serious, but also more treatable. The first line of treatment is a huge Prednisone blast, stepped down over six weeks.

My body didn't like that. I was jittery and agitated. Shaky. Couldn't sleep. Was having night sweats, achy muscles, limb numbness, and horrible mood swings. So we stepped down the amounts over the course of 10 days and now I am on half the original dose. We will continue the planned step down from here. I'm still having some side effects, but not so severe, and I can handle them if it saves the sight in my left eye.

In the midst of feeling like a total wreck, I was in a total wreck. Literally.

A driving lesson gone bad.

 

The Volvo did what it was supposed to do. The frame buckled and we both walked away. My husband went and looked at the site of the wreck and said that he can't believe we made it mostly between the tree and the light pole, hitting one with a glancing blow and bouncing off of the other.

So my car is totaled. My body is shaken and sore. I will miss my stupid car.

But we are not seriously hurt. The insurance company is giving us a fair price for the car. Life will go on.

And my eye seems to have improved a little.

Over the past couple of weeks, the prayers of my friends and family have surrounded me as an almost palpable thing. I have returned over and over again to some Psalms and hymns that are particularly powerful on themes of trust and contentment and the pure unwavering message that I belong to Christ and nothing changes that.

I am basically a happy person. I am blessed not to be prone to depression. I bounce back quickly. It is one positive personality trait that offsets many that I don't like so well. But right now I feel a little bit of a need to focus, specifically, on all of the large and small things in my life that add to my happiness. So, each day for at least a month, I am going to post a picture and blog about one of these things. Some will be totally frivolous and some will be big and obvious. I'm doing this for me, but I hope that you will enjoy it too.

Why should cross and trial grieve me?
Christ is near
With His cheer;
Never will He leave me.
Who can rob me of the heaven
That God's Son
For me won
When His life was given?


 When life's troubles rise to meet me,
Though their weight
May be great,
They will not defeat me.
God, my loving Savior, sends them;
He who knows
All my woes
Knows how best to end them.


God gives me my days of gladness,
And I will
Trust Him still
When He send me sadness.
God is good;
His love attends me
Day by day,
Come what may,
Guides me and defends me.

Why Should Cross and Trial Grieve Me, vv. 1-3
Paul Gerhardt

A little sea air

If the doctor thought outside the pill box, this would be just what the doctor ordered. My cough is better than it has been all winter. Almost gone. And nothing cures the winter blahs like sunshine, white sand and palm trees.

Now I can make it to spring.

I want a cookie

I've been doing really well avoiding sweets and refined carbs most of the time for the past year. I did it for my health, but it's had the happy side effect of a 20 pound weight loss. I'll take it!

Most of the time I'm satisfied with the way I eat, but all it takes is one weekend in a bed and breakfast--with cookies and orange-almond french toast--to turn me into a cookie-craving, m&m devouring basket case.

I've probably eaten 30 m&ms tonight. I feel like crud from the sugar. But I still really want a cookie.
Tomorrow I need to be strong and do the lean protein and yummy veggies thing, and put the thoughts of cookies out of my head.

Under pressure

I can really identify with the phrase under the weather. That's how I spent Saturday afternoon and evening and most of Sunday. I have known for years that my joints react to humidity and temperature changes, but the reaction they had to the passing of the remnants of Ike was the worst I've ever experienced.

Apparently I'm not alone. I have talked to several people who had increased joint pain, severe whole-body pain, and headaches this weekend. I've read a couple of articles that point to changes in barometric pressure as the reason. They don't know why, but they believe that's the likely culprit.

Whatever it was, it even kept me away from my computer.