Figuring it out

If I am overly chatty next time you see me, please don't hold it against me.


It seems that in a world that is supposedly dominated by extroverts, (and yes, I realize that the technically correct spelling is "extravert," but that is marked as a misspelling and I hate those red underlines,) I seem to have an uncanny knack for finding the introverts.

Most, if not all, of my good friends are introverts, so I frequently read things that they share about understanding introverts. And I admit that, as an extrovert, I sometimes get a little annoyed by the caricatures of extroverts that are employed as comparisons. So when a blog post was linked on Facebook about introverts getting lonely I almost didn't read it. But I love my friends and I figured that if it was linked to, it was important.

And I'm glad I did, because it helped me figure something out. I am a basically happy person. My default is cheerful. I'm a realist about the larger world, but optimistic at the same time. I love my family, my friends, my job, my church. But for a long while now I have been in a funk. Crabby and short-tempered. I've had a couple of people suggest that I am depressed, but I know that's not the problem. I've been depressed. This isn't depression.

Reading that blog post it hit me like the proverbial bolt from the blue.

I am lonely. Horribly lonely.

I spend a huge amount of my time alone. My husband works in another state and is only home on the weekends. My daughter is married and lives out of state. My sons are busy with school, work, and friends, and when they are home they have homework and other interests. I have wonderful friends, but they are all busy with jobs and their own families, so I rarely see them. But, that said, I really don't think that this is about a lack in those closer relationships. (Except for my daughter, the deserter. ;) )

I have cut back on my activities, trying to ease some time pressure, but have lost some casual social contacts that I am now thinking might have been more important to me than I realized. I no longer haul kids to activities where I get to sit and talk with like-minded moms. I have left boards and committees. For fifteen years I had a succession of very social home-based businesses, but no longer. I'm not busy any more. And while I enjoy having time to do things around my house and having some freedom from time pressure, I'm not sure the trade-off is worth it.

I find myself pathetically happy to have a five sentence conversation with a barista or electrician. Church council meetings are a highlight of my month.

Don't be confused; I'm not bored. I work. I read. I do genealogy. I scrapbook. I try to keep up with my house. I have plenty to do. I just enjoy every single bit of it more if I have someone else to do it with or talk to about it.

I need to figure out if, in trying to build some margin into my life I haven't stripped too much out. Getting my (introvert) husband back will make some difference, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. When I talked to him about this he gave me lots of good ideas, if I were an introvert looking for a job. (To say he doesn't get it is a major understatement.)

 Any suggestions are welcome. This isn't a post to guilt my friends into more frequent coffee chats. I need to figure out some way to fill my need for that light social chit-chat that my introvert friends hate so. I need to find the balance between busyness and nights spent staring at Facebook wishing someone would say SOMETHING.

Margin rewind

So, after my last very optimistic post I found out how quickly margin can disappear: Emotional, physical, time, and money all in the space of about a week. Wiped out. It only takes a couple of unexpected events, plus some bad timing, a few sleepless nights, and suddenly BAM, you're back to square one. If that.

But I'm not giving up. If anything I am doubling down on creating margin in the areas where I have control. I have finished the book and--thank goodness--found some things that I am doing right already among the many things that I need to improve.

And I realize that if I hadn't already been working on creating margin, the couple of horrible weeks that I had could have been worse.

I have some steps that I am going to be taking to create more margin. More about that as I solidify plans.

Margin multiplies

Maybe the book will talk about this. I don't know. But what I do know is that margin multiplies.

It does. It is rather amazing.

It started with just thinking about margin and realizing that I needed it. Over a couple of weeks I planned in project time and empty time, among the hustle of work and other activities. Putting OPEN time on my calendar meant that when things happened during the week and ate up my project time, I still had my Sunday afternoon that was for whatever: a nap, a project, reading, cleaning. Whatever.

I chose to use the free time to clean my pantry, a task that had been bumped by a couple of unexpected trips across town earlier in the week. This picture is the after. The before had me embarrassed to have anyone in my house,  completely clueless about what was in my pantry, and completely incapable of finding anything that I was fairly certain was in there.

Besides, I LOVE this room. It holds some of my favorite things. It is a beautiful space. I'm lucky to have it. And I want to enjoy it.

But that isn't what this post is about. It's about margin multiplying.

Since I got the pantry cleaned and organized, I was able to fix dinner Sunday through Wednesday without making a trip to the grocery. (Which means I got to miss the beginning of the month food stamp crowd and the oh-no-a-snowstorm! crowd.)  This also meant that I didn't have to squeeze a trip to the grocery in and that I got to use the time for other things.

Since the pantry was done, my Wednesday afternoon project time was spent on paperwork. I got bills paid. Looked at budgeting for the next couple of months. Balanced the checking account. And I got most of the papers that we need for our taxes pulled together over two weeks before I meet with the accountant. (By the way, talk about a decision that gave me margin!) I identified two things that I am missing while there is still plenty of time to get them.

I have margin at work. I am now consistently working at least two weeks ahead.

Knowing what was in my pantry alerted me to some things that need to be used up. This is going to save us money in the long run. More margin.

For me, one huge benefit that I am already seeing is a reduction in worry. This means that I slept like a baby last night. Nothing was nagging at my brain. Good sleep means waking up ready to go. I was able to move through a very busy day feeling like I was firing on all cylinders. Today was incredibly productive. Productivity means that I got more done today than I had planned at work, so I don't need to work tomorrow. More margin!

For some of you, all of this is going to seem so obvious. But for me, with my ADD brain and my heretofore chronically over-committed life, this is a revelation.

Pray for me, that I will be able to maintain it.

Curried Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie

5 med (12 oz) sweet potatoes, baked and slightly cooled
2 T vegetable oil (I used coconut)
2 lbs ground turkey, chicken, or beef (we've only used beef)
2 t salt
1/3 c flour (we used coconut flour to avoid the wheat, and it worked well)
1 T curry powder (we use Madras curry)
1 3/4 c OR 1 14 oz can chicken broth
1 1/2 lbs carrots, peeled and chopped
1 1/2 lbs parsnips, peeled and chopped
1 med onion, chopped
1 T grated fresh ginger
1 package (10 oz) frozen peas
1 c milk, warmed
2 T butter

1) Preheat oven to 375. Heat 1 T oil in 12" skillet over med-high heat. Add meat and 1/2 t salt; cook until no longer pink.
2) Stir curry powder and flour into meat; cook 1 minute, stirring. Add broth and heat to boiling. Cook 1 minute or until mixture thickens slightly. Divide between 2 1/2 or 2 quart baking dishes.
3) In same skillet, heat 1 T oil. Add carrots, parsnips, and onion, and cook about 15 min, until vegetables are browned and tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in ginger, frozen peas, and 1/2 t salt. Divide vegetable mixture between casseroles.
4) Coarsely mash sweet potatoes. Stir in milk, butter, and 1 t salt. Mash until well blended, and spread over vegetables.
5) Bake, uncovered, 35-40 minutes or until top is browned.

Makes 2 casseroles, of approximately 6 servings each.

From the Good Housekeeping Cookbook.

Sauerkraut Soup

This was really, really good. Fortunately, I had enough requests for a recipe that I can't procrastinate getting this written, or I might never get it down. This recipe is an approximation. I read about six recipes and took elements from each, but didn't actually use any of them. I measured nothing when I made it. This makes a really large amount of soup, but this is the only way I can do this for right now. And remember, this is the kind of soup that is good for using what you have.

Melt 2 TBS of butter in a large stock pot. Add 1/2 chopped sweet onion and saute until just softening. Add stock. (I kept adding more stock and broth as I went, but altogether I used about 3 cups of homemade chicken stock and 4-14oz. cans of Swanson Chicken broth. So about 10 cups of chicken broth total.) Add four big carrots, in bite sized chunks, two parsnips, also in chunks, two ribs of celery, sliced, and about 3 pounds of redskin potatoes, cut in chunks with the skin on. I also added about six cups of water at this point. Add sauerkraut. I am guessing that I had 8-10 cups of sauerkraut. (This was leftover kraut that had been cooked with pork and caraway seeds, so it was really good. If I was starting with fresh kraut I would probably add some supplemental pork to the soup.) I had five brats that had some nice carmelization that I cut up and added, but kielbasa or smoked sausage would be awesome. Add about 1 t. black pepper and 1 t. white pepper.
Cover and simmer for a couple of hours, until the potatoes are getting soft.

In another pan, melt 3 TBS butter. Add about 1/4 c. chopped mushrooms and 1 t. salt. (I will probably use more mushrooms next time, but I wasn't sure that I wanted them.)  Use your flour of choice to make a roux. I used 3 TBS rice flour because I had a bag that had a little left in it that I wanted to finish. Add about 1/2 c. white wine or beer. (Again, more would be good, I had about 1/2 cup left from a box of chardonnay.) Add 1 qt. 1/2 and 1/2, and then, because it doesn't look like enough, add a cup or two of whole milk. Stir until slightly thickened. Add (don't hate me foodie friends!) about 8 oz. of Velveeta. (Because that's how much I had.) Add all of this to the pot and simmer for another 15 minutes, at least. Throw in about 1 TBS of dried parsley.

Makes a lot of soup. :)

Enjoy with crusty bread.

One problem with time management books

" The goal of much that is written about life management is to enable us to do more in less time." Jean Fleming, quoted in Margin. "Perhaps we need to get less done, but the right things."

YES. Oh yes.

The things that happen

When I'm overwhelmed I get more absent-minded. This week I was distracted. Busy. Andrew, who often helps me keep my head on, was very busy working and getting ready for a D&D weekend.
I tried to fit in a few household tasks on Thursday. One of those was making some stock with the carcass of Monday's roasted chicken.

I made the stock.

And then I went to work, made salad for 50 people, went to church, went home exhausted, and went to bed. Friday I was at work almost all day, except when I was running errands. I was gone last night. I went to work this morning, then to the grocery, then did laundry and worked on cleaning the upstairs.

I just decided to get started on the chili for tomorrow's lunch for the D&D players. Grabbed my stock pot from the back of the stove, where I assumed it was sitting clean, having completely forgotten that the stock ever existed.

Oh yes. It's still there.

Andrew usually makes sure all food is properly stowed before he goes to bed. But he probably assumed that the stockpot, sitting on the back of the stove with the lid on, was clean, just like I did today.

Now I need to get rid of wasted, yucky, beginning-to-smell stock before I can cook. This is why I need margin.