Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Crash

I'd been waiting for it. I kind of expected it before this. But the timing makes sense, when I think about it.

For seven months my life has been completely focused on three things: selling our old house, getting our new house ready, and Bethany's wedding. We've been living in the new house for almost two months. Bethany has been married for a month. And Monday we turned over the keys of the old house to the relocation company.

That was the last big deadline. After seven months of nearly constant time stress and nearly overwhelming financial decisions, we're done. Of course, we're not. The house is FAR from done.  But there are no drop-dead, gotta-happens looming.

And Tuesday I could hardly pull myself out of bed. I have absolutely zero energy. I'm making myself do what needs to be done--kind of--but there's so much more that needs to happen. And I have no desire to see to any of it. Oh, I've grocery shopped, and run my stupid car to two different garages in search of someone who can fix it, and gone to work, and driven kids places, and washed a few dishes. But I am living in the midst of chaos. I have piles of boxes, some semi-unpacked. My bedroom looks like a bomb went off. The bathrooms need cleaning. I have bills to pay and a couple of emails deserving responses.

And I don't care. Or I do, but not enough to do any of it. I want to eat chocolate, play Sims, and cut and paste pieces of pretty paper. Or curl up in a ball in the corner.

I know this will pass.  The crash was almost inevitable. And I know what I *need* to do.  I ate too many carbs yesterday--which tasted good, but left me feeling sloggy--so I made myself have a huge salad and tea for lunch today. I walked to work in the sunshine, and should probably go back out in it again for a while. I may let myself curl up in a ball at some point. After I go pick up my car and take Jonathan to his voice and piano lessons and fix supper.Or maybe after the weekend, since Bethany and Evan are coming and I really want to so some more cleaning. Or maybe I'll just keep going.

But if you are wanting something from me: a phone call, email, letter, recipe, package, anything church-related, food, event, etc., have patience. Jane is currently out-of-order.

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

I totally understand! I do the same thing after a period of focused attention on things that need to happen, where there is no option to blow it off. It always takes a while for me to find my groove again. In my case, I just have to hope I find it before I pack on too many pounds or let things get too out of hand around the house. That depresses me and can lead to a long term depressive episode.

Jane said...

Yep. I've gone down the rabbit hole of letting things go too much before and ended up playing Sims for three months. :P I'm hoping to find the right balance between giving myself a little bit of a break and letting things go to the point that it's a struggle to get back to something resembling normal.

Colleen said...

I'm having one of those days myself today. It's rainy and perfect for being lazy. Hey, how do I get onto your Lutheran blog list? I'd love to link you up on mine as well!

Mom said...

I'm so sorry, Jane; I had a feeling something was going on. I'm sure things will level out for you soon, but recognize it stinks to feel the way you're feeling right now. Of course, *your mom* wants to wave a magic wand and fix it - fast. If it doesn't feel like one more yucky thing you need to do, how about coming to Anderson for a day, or two, or ??, maybe toward the end of next week? Think about it, okay?
Love you so much.

Kristi said...

You have been in overdrive for months now. Take a little time to nurture yourself. Eat the chocolate, play Sims and do some scrapbooking. Things that make you happy. If you weren't having Evan and Bethany over this weekend, I would invite you to a scrapbook retreat I am going to this weekend. Take care of yourself.

Elephantschild said...

You obviously need me to come back so we can work on *fun* stuff together, like making that house more like home and less like a bomb. Curtains! Clear space on the floor!

Having been, many times, in that "crash" state, it's the focusing on just doing one or two little things at a time that gets me thru. Giving up on it all & giving into the computer-vegging-suck/chocolate eating binge just makes me feel worse, ultimately, but I can never face doing ALL of whatever-it-is. So I triage and figure out what will feel most satisfying to have DONE at the end of the day, or week.

BTW, I figure I can "remodel" your downstairs bath for ~$30. :-)

Susan said...

When we're in the chaos-mode, we teach ourselves to ignore so much of the clutter, the sticky floors, the cooking, etc. When the stressors are partly relieved, we haven't unlearned the lesson to Not Care about the fall-out. Problem is, I haven't learned how to rest appropriately or how to get back in the groove after a while.