Friday, January 07, 2011

No more new friends

Okay. Maybe no more is an overstatement. But I realized today that I approach email lists differently now than I used to.

Once upon a time, I joined email lists looking for connections and support. I found both. Years ago. And have long-since made the transition to face-to-face friendships with many fellow list members. In fact, most of the dearest friends I have were former email acquaintances.

Now I stay on the lists mainly with an eye to the infinitesimally small number of times that I can add something of value to help or support others.  Those times seem to grow fewer. I've become impatient with discussions that I've been through each winter for ten or more years. I frequently think about quitting all of my lists, even the one that I started and manage. I don't enjoy them any more.

And I think that today I figured out part of the reason why: I don't particularly care to make any new friends. I don't want to learn the new folks kids' names, what their husbands do, how they homeschool, or anything else. I feel no compulsion to be fake-nice and not stir up trouble. I just want them not to be annoying.

I think I'm getting old.

11 comments:

ScottO said...

Not "old", just experienced. You've been there, you're past there. You no longer wish to be a professor. You are emeritus.

Cheryl said...

Phew! I'm glad I got in there in time!

Elephantschild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elephantschild said...

YES.

It's why I rarely accept any friend-requests on FB from list people anymore, ESPECIALLY people who almost never post on said lists.

I can't be best buddies with everyone. I'm only one me.

Adriane said...

Yeah, I'm to that point already. But . . . can WE still be friends?

Jane said...

Absolutely. Once you're in, you're in. :)

Elephantschild said...

Once saved to Jane's list, always saved.

Cate said...

I just want them not to be annoying.

*snort*

This is my life's motto. Why doesn't society comply?

Jane said...

I knew I liked you, Cate. :)

The Rebellious Pastor's Wife said...

Besides the fact that a lot of our friends have come and gone when their kids are nearing the end of the homeschooling journey and they take jobs, do other things, are carting kids around to activities, etc....I wonder if it wouldn't be more important if there was less opportunity to form in-person relationships with really like-minded friends like we have in the Fort?

Jane said...

I think that's part of it, although many of my best friends still live in my computer. :) But the fact is, I have a whole lot of good face-to-face friends--here and elsewhere--and a whole slew more solid acquaintances who I would get to know better if I had time. I think I've just flat out hit my capacity on people to keep track of. :)